WHO AM I ?

I remember participating in an exercise in my meditation class called, ‘Who am I?’ Paired with a classmate, the assignment was to explore the question, “Who are you?” For what seemed much longer than a minute, I laboured to share who I thought I was with one word answers. 

This got me thinking: Is my existence defined by a mere prescriptive label: “ I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a mother, I am a wife, I am a trainer, I am a student, I am a friend etc? 

I remember when some of these labels were shiny and new, and worn like a badge of honour; such as the first time I became a mother. I’ve noted how the labels change over time - like they have sub-headings: When I was a younger mother I was a nurturer, caregiver, provider - now I am more role model, friend, guide, confidante. I’ve felt some labels ripped off like a band-aid and other labels are by choice. 

To be honest, I have been struggling with this topic as of late. I find myself at a crossroads as those labels change and I am uncomfortable with what the newness has brought. My identity is no longer “this” and yet the future “that” is non-existent. I wasn’t cognizant of it at first, however, I now realize I‘ve been hanging in this space of transition. This was brought to light during these increased times of endless Zoom classes. You know the schtick...everyone goes around the squares introducing themselves and listing a bit about themselves to their fellow ‘classmates.’ Cringe. How do I eloquently say ‘I am ME?’ Simply, ME. This person before you in my little square has lived a life thus far made up of a dose of joy, a sprinkling of tragedy, a cup of ease, a healthy dose of heartache and so much more. A label I attach for identity purposes is not even close to who I am. I am so much more. Combine all these life ingredients together and I am richness. I am depth. I am ME. 

So by the end of that ‘who am I’ game mentioned earlier, after several rounds of discomfort, the labels began to fall wayside. What I was left with was ‘love.’ I am love and I am a beloved child of God. Wow! Declaring that feels incredibly liberating! 

So go ahead, I invite you to ask yourself “Who am I?” 

Hugs and love, Janet