SENSE OF COMMUNITY
After my last blog entry, Hearts Wide Open, I was faced with the all too familiar thought “I just can’t do it anymore!”
I hear myself saying this more times than I care to confess. But there it is, I am admitting it.
Do you ever feel like your head is spinning in every direction??
Some days, I feel like mine is constantly being pulled up, down, side to side, struggling to focus on various competing priorities… finances, partnerships, family, career, well-being, education, household obligations… the list goes on. Of course, they are all important in my life, nobody would argue with that. To be honest, even while writing this blog, I am flitting about because I have three different entries started. Lately, I seem to start one activity, but quickly become distracted and hop over to begin or continue something else. By having multiple tasks on the go at the same time, I think I’m trying to fool myself that I’m being extra productive or efficient… but we all know how that story ends.
So… instead of continuing down the destructive road of self-doubt, I make myself take a BIG step back, and ask myself the burning questions…
Why am I feeling this way?
Why do I feel I can’t do it anymore?
Why am I spinning in all directions?
I have some plausible theories, but the core answer is hidden deep inside my soul… I know that. A seed has been planted in my consciousness and I am now forced to deal with it head on. No more running away or hiding. It’s been exposed and needs to be further explored. And that’s the beauty in all this emotional chaos… I’ve been given an opportunity to take a journey to discover more about myself… and to come out even stronger on the other side.
When I find I’m particularly overwhelmed with daily life, feeling like things are just too much to handle, I realize that what I am really craving is the presence of community, being around other people. Not a huge surprise, given the current pandemic-fuelled isolation, but chances are I have also been alienating myself from others for reasons beyond the COVID-19 crisis. I have been rejecting help (both subconsciously and knowingly), from friends and family, believing I can, and must, thrive on my own, or I have somehow failed… as a mother, student, friend, breadwinner, role model, entrepreneur, neighbour… you get the idea. My ego has been too loud and proud and I’m at a tipping point of not being able to do it alone anymore.
PHEW!!!
Admitting my insecurity feels so… what is the word… humbling! But also, very liberating. Throughout most of history, social isolation and rejection would jeopardize human existence. These days, we may not be forced to escape the jaws of a predator, but that basic survival instinct continues to be a vital part of our DNA. The desire to be swept up in community, to be protected, supported, held, validated. To join in celebration, festivities, rites of passage. To belong.
And so, when I am experiencing loneliness or simply feeling overwhelmed from life’s important happenings, I am reassured by the knowledge that my soul is simply reminding me that I am craving interpersonal connection. To know that we belong to one or many is comforting, nurturing and a basic need. It is so important we don’t let ourselves forget that, we need to forgive ourselves for being human!!
After my most recent episode of feeling overwhelmed, I remembered what always helped to restore my calm, my confidence, my sense of community… I found a quiet place, sat down, and listened to my inner voice. I practiced my intentional breath work and followed it up with a healing harp session... and it worked. As my breathing and heartbeat begin to self-regulate, and my monkey mind becomes less busy, I know THAT is my time to add a simple harp melody. What will manifest? It’s different every time. But everytime it is just what is needed.
BLISS.
Are you ready for some bliss? Let’s do this together!
HUGS & LOVE, Janet